Seduce Me

any moments of insanity i have had in my life.

i need to take alecs advice and get over it. and stay the hell away from those maniacs.

holy fuck.

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so i dont drink, anymore, but i do enjoy patios where i sip water while my friends pig out and get wasted.

i enjoy being the DD as i can usually con my drunk friends to give me lots of gas money. awesome.

its the joys of living in poverty, middle class is not what it used to be and i am def. more lower class. poverty. straight up.

my roommate let me know that i owe her an assload of money for groceries.. that i didnt get a say in. i eat chicken, and eggs, and yougurt. i will gladly pitch for those, when i have more than 30 cents in my bank account. which happens, uhm, never. ha.

i got out to picton beach for the first time ever sunday and monday. i was able to do this by being the taxi for a friend and her friends. its shitty feeling used. but, it is amazing feeling the sun on my skin. its a fair trade off. for real.

 

i saw the strangers tonight, straight up fucked. i dont know if i believe it was based on true events.. it def gave me the heeby jeebies and my friend hid her eyes in her husbands shoulder for 90% of the film. im afraid to goto sleep now.

 

in other news, i find myself thinking about a friend i lost everyday, and its borderline driving me mad. i made the choices i made, i know that, but i still miss her. i think about talking to her everyday, and dream about it more often. its sad. and it infects my life with guilt and shame and regret. even worse, it makes me lonely around my other friends because her and i were so much alike that none of them can touch it.

there are no good girls in kingston for me to be friends with.

and the one that was perfect, i completely betrayed and hurt.

i feel like i deserve another chance.. but i was the wrong doer and i think that the criminal always feels like they deserve a second chance, even when they have just slaughtered an entire family in cold blood…

but if psychopaths can be rehabilitated, why cant i?

if karla holmoka can be released to live a normal life, why cant she see that i am genuinely sorry, and would give anything to change how it all happened??

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that i may possibly be in love??

when i say love, i ofcourse mean, i met a boy who i like. i have learned that love and i do not mix and i just dont fall into such a thing.

its 2 am and i have a staff meeting at 8am. cool.

my night was kindof amazing, i ended up going out with a couple friends, and talked with a boy for a bit. it was nice..

in the end, i know i probably wont hang out w this person again, but it made me smile. and its been a long long long time since i felt that happy kind of feeling..

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oh my god.

can you actually believe it? that chick that some people knew, with bad grammer and spelling, that just disappeared is back! the internet has gone to shit.

*ahem*

yeah it is true. after a, what lougan, like 2 year hiatus (i direct this towards you as I am sure you are the only human who will read this. lol), I am back.

I do want to say thank you lougan, I have no personal space at the present time and I have no where to vent that my coworkers or my “friends” wont read (with the exception of one friend..).

I am somewhat excited to talk to strangers. haha, that sounds trippy, but i am kind of hoping i can steal some of your readers from irb or on of your nine million other sites.

 since my disappearance from the net my life has been pretty much a repeat of what it was then.

i work shitty jobs. have some shitty friends. a few good ones. and im notoriously selfish.

im alright with it. to be honest.

alright, run down of my current life and then i can use this mofo as a journal blog whatever the fuck you wanna call it. lol

- was fired from wireless centre when my bosses girlfriend thought we were having an affair (please note: boss was a weasel who still makes me sick to think of in bed… ew)

- moved home to london

- drank a lot.

- gained a lot.

- got a job working for telus mobility corporate

- moved to kingston

- moved around kingston

- stopped drinking

- started exercising

- lost weight

- began training for F.A.M.E (look it up yourself)

 

so thats it.

my life is lame. i wake up everyday and goto the gym. i then goto work. during teh day i eat. then i leave work and usually go back to the gym. its pretty lame.

i am actually really excited that summer is here as i have made it a personal goal to have more fun and take myself and my training a little less serious. we will see thought.

 

i thought i would include a before and after shot. please understand that i lost everything in a very tragic poop/water incident involving my computer and have very few pictures. so enjoy what i could find.  

   

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